On My Travels through Psychiatry

 

I’ve met people and I’ve learned from them as I faced sudden withdrawal from years of being overmedicated, and as I rejected psychiatry very angrily, and as I gradually transitioned into taking up psychiatric treatment again.

I’m at a certain point. I know a great deal about being a psych patient, the harms and the helps therein, and a fair amount about critical psychiatry. But I don’t know all of the personal experiences and nuance and I never will. I continuously pursue clarity regardless.

I’ve been reading blog posts and articles and listening to podcasts over the past few years, all dealing with aspects of diagnosis and treatment and how patients operate within and outside of frameworks. Along with that, I post on social media and engage in discussions. I do my own writing. I think long and hard and roll ideas around when my mind can focus.

For years, due to meds issues and lack of adequate help with my problems, I couldn’t stay with reading a book. Now I can. I’ve recently read books about treatment like my own and ultimate resistance to it, and about women’s particular issues within treatment, and about what being a patient as a psychiatrist is like. I’ve sparred a bit on social media, then gained insight by listening to interviews with those same people. We’re allies without the requirement of being exactly alike in our views.

I’m glad to be at this moment where my past and present meet in deeper consideration. I like challenging myself and being fine with changing my opinions and how I relate to others.

I’m not apt to engage with those who repeat angry sentiments, year after year the same wording, the same tired old simplifications. Repetition doesn’t let me in on much. I can’t get to know a person that way, especially if coupled with lashing out. Especially if friendship is based on joining in.

It’s very hard to uncover details about proposed alternatives to psychiatric treatment if I’m faced with ferocity or lack of engagement. Often, I’ve tried commenting on posts and I don’t get replies. Or I try asking questions during live online events and get short answers, leading me to feel disregarded or that I’m uncomfortable for the presenters.

I witness takedowns of clinicians by those who reject psychiatry and mental illness. They act in unethical ways while proclaiming their purity, their innocence, and how victimized they are. And, cheering them on are the faithful, defending them out of a warped sense of obligation or simply a desire to be mean. I’m keenly aware of these loyalty behaviors because I was once there.

I’m grateful for those who slow down and offer their time. I wave off those who suddenly lunge at me with sharp emotional responses. Who wouldn’t? It seems odd to even write it out.

I’m grateful for friends who refer me to good resources and away from propaganda and self-serving takes.

Here I am, grateful to know a lot but also nothing. My comprehension of psychiatry and related topics depends on the complexity, the person before me, and technical aspects in or not in my domain. Knowing when to stay in my lane is important. Keeping some sense of humility is key.