Quieting the Disorder of Bipolar
Once my med for bipolar kicked in and started improving my mood, of course I was excited. I immediately increased my activity level and imagined that, before I knew it, I’d be working again, out socializing regularly, and exercising as vigorously as I did 15 years ago. No, that’s now how it’s unfolding. I have added activities, like cooking and attending an art club. I can read books again and create new art. All of that is great, but my energy is limited, and the initial med-assisted burst has evened out. I’m grateful for this. My past pattern was always to grab periods of my mood lifting and launch into a flurry of action. Inevitably, I’d fall into exhaustion and despair because this is not sustainable. The feeling of that is harsh. By that, I mean I’d deeply criticize myself as a failure. There I’d been, all the chances in the world for success, and again I’d blown it. I’d truly only failed at realizing that bipolar causes me to roll through cycles of ups and downs. Previous